Another Day. Betrayer. Betraying. Betrayal.
Here i am blogging again. I feel like a Traitor. Uragirimono. I somehow can never be like Brandon Heat from GunGrave and uphold the principle of 'never betray', the iron law of the mafia(ok, the family).
I have been entrusted by a good friend, to pass a letter to a girl he has had a crush on for many years. Being his initial supporter, i told him, go for it. "Are you going to regret not making any moves and letting it pass u by? Can u face it without regret or frustration? Go, face it. Approach her!"
And here i am, with a letter supposed to be delivered to an ex-classmate of mine from primary school. No names. I know. But for those who know, it is no secret. Anyway, here i was, stuck with no real leads, and i have to, for his sake and the sake of the promise i made, find this mysterious and attractive (i assumed so) ex-classmate of mine. And somehow, God help me, i did!! By somehow contacting old friends, one leads to the other, and voila!! But the problem remains, how to break this disturbing news to her, or deliver the letter without much shock?
But after i managed to establish contact, it became the start of my troubles. I have to admit, i easily take a liking to members of the opposite sex. Much more easily than mixing with guys. I prefer interacting with gals, being their confidante~ But here, is a lady whom my friend has a long crush on, and i have silently sworn to support him in this matter. How could it be, that i now feel really attracted to her? Is this not an act of betrayal? An act of betraying his trust? An act of sabotage, to ruin his sweet dream? Yet, guilty as i am, i cannot help but feel attracted to her every aspect.
She. A petit (i imagine) lass who has an attitude. From the way she speaks (assuming most ppl speak the way they type and message), the sarcasm here and there, the way she rejects without hesitation, the straightforwardedness. The old memories of what she looked like, the old memory that i used to have something for her. Ah, i cannot help but think, what if i come out the winner, and the traitor in this game of love?
Maybe I am thinking too far, too deep into my own selfish fantasy, that I even have a chance with someone i havent seen for ten(10) long years. But, i have just made contact with her. It was a giant step for me, and for Mr. B. But the excitement, the expectations that would have been so pleasant for him, have probably been killed the instant i made the jokes about pursuing her affection for myself instead. I shouldnt have made such jokes, especially since they were meant as passing jokes. Guess it could be really cruel when such a joke turns into reality and u say "hey, but i thought u were only kidding?"
On another note, i have yet to meet 'her'. Her busy schedule, maybe my lack of forcefulness (i find being a nice guy sometimes difficult, i'd always have to push quite a bit to get what i want). But i wanna be a patient and considerate person. No rush, if u're busy its really ok. I can wait. There are always more chances. Yet, i wonder, this kind of procrastination, this kind of leniency, does it not always make things less probable? And still, i cannot bring myself to be forceful at her.
Maybe i've been single so long in my life, so long so long, my whole life, than i am just yearning for some attention and acceptance in my life? I know it myself, that i cant expect to play mr nice guy all the time. The truth, my true self, the ugliness behind the near perfect facade, will and must show someday. Could I lie and cheat myself? I see in her the inner beauty, if words are anything, that alone suffices. Mystery makes a woman woman. Being so, She's the Woman. I yearn, i ache, i burn, i am consumed, not just by desire, but by guilt.
As sorry as i am for my buddy, i must remind him with this short excerpt of lyrics:
Some Days, Some Nights,
Some Live, Some Die,
In the Way of the Samurai.
Some Fight, Some Bleed,
Sun up to Sun down,
The Sons of a Battlecry.
Survival. The way of the samurai. The loyalty. The loneliness behind it. Yet, some shall live and some shall die. I am afraid i am the one who will live this round.
Maybe someday, your chance will come, and you will find your chosen one, the one and only who will be your bride, who will take you for who you are, what you stand for and love only you. Good Luck my friend. And truly, my sincerest apologies if i stand out after this round of bloddy battle.
I have been entrusted by a good friend, to pass a letter to a girl he has had a crush on for many years. Being his initial supporter, i told him, go for it. "Are you going to regret not making any moves and letting it pass u by? Can u face it without regret or frustration? Go, face it. Approach her!"
And here i am, with a letter supposed to be delivered to an ex-classmate of mine from primary school. No names. I know. But for those who know, it is no secret. Anyway, here i was, stuck with no real leads, and i have to, for his sake and the sake of the promise i made, find this mysterious and attractive (i assumed so) ex-classmate of mine. And somehow, God help me, i did!! By somehow contacting old friends, one leads to the other, and voila!! But the problem remains, how to break this disturbing news to her, or deliver the letter without much shock?
But after i managed to establish contact, it became the start of my troubles. I have to admit, i easily take a liking to members of the opposite sex. Much more easily than mixing with guys. I prefer interacting with gals, being their confidante~ But here, is a lady whom my friend has a long crush on, and i have silently sworn to support him in this matter. How could it be, that i now feel really attracted to her? Is this not an act of betrayal? An act of betraying his trust? An act of sabotage, to ruin his sweet dream? Yet, guilty as i am, i cannot help but feel attracted to her every aspect.
She. A petit (i imagine) lass who has an attitude. From the way she speaks (assuming most ppl speak the way they type and message), the sarcasm here and there, the way she rejects without hesitation, the straightforwardedness. The old memories of what she looked like, the old memory that i used to have something for her. Ah, i cannot help but think, what if i come out the winner, and the traitor in this game of love?
Maybe I am thinking too far, too deep into my own selfish fantasy, that I even have a chance with someone i havent seen for ten(10) long years. But, i have just made contact with her. It was a giant step for me, and for Mr. B. But the excitement, the expectations that would have been so pleasant for him, have probably been killed the instant i made the jokes about pursuing her affection for myself instead. I shouldnt have made such jokes, especially since they were meant as passing jokes. Guess it could be really cruel when such a joke turns into reality and u say "hey, but i thought u were only kidding?"
On another note, i have yet to meet 'her'. Her busy schedule, maybe my lack of forcefulness (i find being a nice guy sometimes difficult, i'd always have to push quite a bit to get what i want). But i wanna be a patient and considerate person. No rush, if u're busy its really ok. I can wait. There are always more chances. Yet, i wonder, this kind of procrastination, this kind of leniency, does it not always make things less probable? And still, i cannot bring myself to be forceful at her.
Maybe i've been single so long in my life, so long so long, my whole life, than i am just yearning for some attention and acceptance in my life? I know it myself, that i cant expect to play mr nice guy all the time. The truth, my true self, the ugliness behind the near perfect facade, will and must show someday. Could I lie and cheat myself? I see in her the inner beauty, if words are anything, that alone suffices. Mystery makes a woman woman. Being so, She's the Woman. I yearn, i ache, i burn, i am consumed, not just by desire, but by guilt.
As sorry as i am for my buddy, i must remind him with this short excerpt of lyrics:
Some Days, Some Nights,
Some Live, Some Die,
In the Way of the Samurai.
Some Fight, Some Bleed,
Sun up to Sun down,
The Sons of a Battlecry.
Survival. The way of the samurai. The loyalty. The loneliness behind it. Yet, some shall live and some shall die. I am afraid i am the one who will live this round.
Maybe someday, your chance will come, and you will find your chosen one, the one and only who will be your bride, who will take you for who you are, what you stand for and love only you. Good Luck my friend. And truly, my sincerest apologies if i stand out after this round of bloddy battle.
posted by Holy Order Sol at 03:29
2 Comments:
Hmmm, sounds to me like you've found yourself in the middle of a romantic comedy plot. One adapts to this kind of situation by saying, "What would Hugh Jackman do?" (or Tom Hanks if you lady frind is the Meg Ryan type.) Then again, you can always jsut fast forward to the end and find out that the two of you do in fact get together. But remember, fist she has to get really mad at you and feel betrayed. And your friend ends up with the girl version of comis relief. aka, the sidekick.
this is the closest encounter i have to my story.. remember you used to tell me a joke "wei jo lui yan chap heng tai leung tou"? i still remember that line.. maybe can post the whole joke haha.. gd old days when these were just things to be joked about.. well, i'd say its up to you- we must choose the ways we fight, yet the irony is that something can be achieved even if we hold back our swords. perhaps i've done that too much.. find the balance, and there is the soul of the samurai. so are you a Mugen or a Jin?
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