Hana ni narou~

To become a flower. what? am i nuts? its just a quote from a song. Hana by orange range. Anyway, since i saved the lyrics from a translation site, i m gonna post it. All of it while i am still high from some wine at my cousin's wedding just now. It was a nice garden wedding. Fantastic. When i get married, maybe it will could be something like that. Just maybe.

Before this, while sorting thru my mails in my hotmail account a few days ago, i saw this author whose name i havnt seen for a long time. Let's call her S (yes, its a she). The fond memories started rushing back as i remembered the good times we had. J-san described it with a very apt phrase: absence makes the heart grow fonder. Fonder~ fonder~ fondle~ oops. that wasnt quite right. Anyway, i emailed her, hoping she would reply, half of me really scared that she wouldnt reply, the other half in panic about what to say if she did reply. And God Blessed me. She replied. And i was always under the impression that she hated me. At least i used to be ignored quite often. Maybe i was just an over-eager dog. I dunno. But S really replied me.

To me, S used to be everything, my support, my precious. The only one i thought of day and night. The only one i could turn to. The one who attracts me to church. The one person i dream of being together with, everyday, all the time, for ever. But alas. i think she didnt like me at all then. I think i was nothing to her, or i was scary. What with that rotten show off attitude of mine. The spoilt brat attitude. I know. Hard to digest. Hard to like. I m just trying to be myself, unashamed, uncovered, unleashed.

Too bad. Now that i finally got closer to her(or maybe otherwise, words may deceive), she is in australia. I dunno. I cant find anything to tell her anymore. I have lost my touch for words. But she is in fact, the one i still think of from time to time. The only one i really want it seems. I used to pray hard for her, for her company, companionship, and even just a bit of attention from her. Ah, those times were nice. I wished she was by my side, or that i could be by her side. Sad. this is not possible. so all i can do is =) and accept that this is it.

If God was somewhere out there, i would have thought this impossible for even Him. Should be. It would be a miracle if she could actually be by my side and live with me. Nah. just my parents would make it a mere impossibility. So why bother. Friendship, before anything else.

In school, i am mister nice guy. The intellectual. But i m therefore a non romantic person. I can flirt and joke, but that's entertaining humour. Nothing more. I am no more attractive to the girls than a giant walking talking and problem solving textbook or computer. But at least, i am achieving more this way. At least i am gaining attention as a model student. A model student who loves basketball and pingpong. But that is all. Sighz. The little that i can actually do about my image. sianz. Damnz. oh well, enough of self-pity and complaining like a spoilt brat. Here are the lyrics for: Orange Range - Hana. I like this. Maybe J-san will too.

Orange Range - Hana
hanabira no you ni chiri yuku naka de
yume mitai ni kimi ni deaeta kiseki
ai shi atte kenka shite
ironna kabe futari de nori koete
umare kawatte mo anata no soba de hana ni narou

Amidst us scattering like flower petals
It was a dream-like miracle that I met you
We love each other, we fight
We climb over all sorts of walls together
If I'm reborn, I'll be a flower by your side

itsu made mo aru no darou ka ore no maue ni aru taiyou wa
itsu made mo mamori kireru darou ka naki warai okoru kimi no hyoujou wo
izure subete naku naru no naraba futari no deai ni motto kansha shiyou
ano hi ano toki ano basho no kiseki wa
mata atarashii kiseki wo umu darou

I wonder if the sun will always be right overhead?
I wonder if I'll always be able to protect you?
Your expressions, laughing and crying
Anyway, if everything turns to nothing,
I'll be even more thankful for us having met
That day, that time, the tracks left at that place
Will again give birth to new tracks

ai suru koto de tsuyoku naru koto shinjiru koto de norikireru koto
kimi ga nakushita mono wa ima mo mune ni hora kagayaki ushinawazu ni
shiawase ni omou meguri aeta koto ore no egao torimodoseta koto
"arigatou" afureru kimochi daki susumu doutei

I become strong by loving, I make it through by believing
The things that you left behind even now glitter in my heart, not having disappeared
I think happily of when we met, I regained my smile
Embracing the overflowing feelings of "thanks", I move forward

hanabira no you ni chiri yuku naka de
yume mitai ni kimi ni deaeta kiseki
ai shi atte kenka shite
ironna kabe futari de nori koete
umare kawatte mo anata ni aitai

Amidst us scattering like flower petals
It was a dream-like miracle that I met you
We love each other, we fight
We climb over all sorts of walls together
If I'm reborn, I want to be with you

hanabira no you ni chitte yuku koto
kono sekai de subete uke irete yukou
kimi ga boku ni nokoshita mono
"ima" to iu genjitsu no takaramono
da kara boku wa seiippai ikite hana ni narou

I'm going to scatter like flower petals
I'll accept everything in this world
The thing that you left me
Is a real treasure called "now"
So living with all my might, I'll be a flower

hana wa nande kareru no darou
tori wa nande toberu no darou
kaze wa nande fuku no darou
tsuki wa nande akari terasu no

Why do flowers wither?
Why do birds fly?
Why does the wind blow?
Why does the moon light up?

naze boku wa koko ni iru n darou
naze kimi wa koko ni iru n darou
naze kimi ni deaeta n darou
kimi ni deaeta koto sore wa unmei

Why am I here?
Why are you here?
Why did I meet you?
Meeting you, that was fate

hanabira no you ni chiri yuku naka de
yume mitai ni kimi ni deaeta kiseki
ai shi atte kenka shite
ironna kabe futari de nori koete
umare kawatte mo anata ni aitai

Amidst us scattering like flower petals
It was a dream-like miracle that I met you
We love each other, we fight
We climb over all sorts of walls together
If I'm reborn, I want to be with you

hanabira no you ni chitte yuku koto
kono sekai de subete uke irete yukou
kimi ga boku ni nokoshita mono
"ima" to iu genjitsu no takaramono
da kara boku wa seiippai ikite hana ni narou

I'm going to scatter like flower petals
I'll accept everything in this world
The thing that you left me
Is a real treasure called "now"
So living with all my might, I'll be a flower

ame agari niji kakari ao arashi ni umareshi hikari
koko ni yuruginai taisetsu na mono
kizuiteru "ai suru" to iu koto
mada arukeru darou? mieteru n da mou
"omoi" toki wo koe eien ni hibike
kimi no yorokobi kimi no itami kimi no subete yo
saa sakihokore motto motto motto

After the rain, a rainbow hangs in the sky, light is born in the mountain air
Right here, I become aware
Of a firm and important thing called "loving"
Can I still walk on? I can see it
My "feelings", pass through time, and echo into eternity
Your happiness, your pain, your everything
Well, bloom then in full, more and more and more