Broken Wings
Just had the luxury (in the sense of time) to watch Trinity Blood 8. The ending song, Broken Wings just reminded me of my situation. A person without a car in KL can really be compared to an Angel or a Bird with Broken Wings. The thing is, from my place, OUG, public transport rarely brings me anywhere at all. In fact, the nearest busstop is about 15mins walk away, with the bus coming every half hour on a lucky day. The next place for buses would be central supermarket, which is about 35-40mins walk away. Darn. And, not surprisingly, i couldnt find any resources for bus timetables. Not online, not offline. Asking is the only way possible. So how does this allow for advance planning if i were not outside asking people which bus goes here and there?
And to get to Taman Sri Sentosa, my friends place, would mean going to PJ, then taking a bus from PJ? bullshit!! Now a drive, even with some traffic congestion, would really only take about 35mins to school. Travelling down to Asia Jaya LRT for a shuttle bus itself takes me more than 45mins upon leaving my front gate. And the crucial timing depends heavily on the shuttle bus and traffic where the shuttle bus passes by. When the bus is not always on time, it demands a long buffer time. And the buffer time is fairly unnecessary!!! It slows things down!! it causes inefficiency!! And the buses depart quarterly (sometimes they do not really do so) so what could i do? It's all rubbish!! No driving allowed. More than not being able to afford a car for me, i think the reasoning that I must, and MUST!! i mean, practice under the supervision of my mom, until she is satisfied with my driving, virtually means no driving this lifetime, and no chance of working in a job that demands "own transport required" at all. This is all just rubbish.
And having the argument with my mom (who thinks argument means fighting and squabbling) is practically a waste of time. It shows her stupidity, but yet, it shows that i have no chance of escaping this fate of being a hitchhiker for the rest of my life. I really feel like breaking down and crying. Why?! Why?! Why is God so unfair to me?! My brother is allowed to drive despite crashing the car and breaking one suspension on the right front of her car. But i dont see me being allowed to drive when i have a zero accident record. This is unfair. This is illogical. Not being able to practice (my definition demands solo practice as 'practice', supervised 'practice' means still learning to drive, and being constantly harassed and not allowed to self-adjust) means i can never driver better than my current state. I fucking hate my mom now!! I cant put any sense into her HEAD!!! I cant knock sense into her about her fucked up religion. I cant talk sense into her when she is convinced having 2 computers on at the same time so i can transfer info via CDRWs are a waste of power. I cant fucking knock sense into her about this driving thing, and I cant stand her asking the same questions all the time!!
"When are your exams?"
"Which exams?"
"final exams"
"2 more weeks."
"Then midterms?"
"I showed u all my papers!!!"
*look of disbelieve*
"U better pray for your dad's deal to come thru, it'll be a great breakthru if it does"
my sis: then we can have a better house to stay in and dun have to stay at that rented place.
me: i just wished i could drive to school
And the whole argument starts. I refused to re-new my license for a very simple reason. No compromise. I practice how to drive on my own. I can operate a car. I learnt how to turn a computer on, i learnt most of how to operate DOS and windows tweaking around on my own and copying my cousin Warren. I did NOT learn how to ride a bicycle with my mom sitting on it as well. I did NOT learn how to surf the net with my mom teaching me step by step. I did NOT learn how to fix gundam model sets with my mom or dad scrutinizing my every action to make sure i didnt get cut or pricked in the process. Somehow i get more distrust than i shud.
People think just because i am a bio student i can handle computers. My dad's younger sister, my aunt is just like that. My uncle who asked me for help turned sceptical as soon as i told him i needed to dismantle this and that or do this and that. And of course they didnt understand y, didnt bother asking y, but just thought, u shud be able to do it in a much simpler way. Or just like, *click* and all problems go away. yeah right. transfer a 50MB file from a zip disk, available hardware -> my cousin's comp, with zip drive, no driver CDs and running windows 95 (no built in cd burning), my comp, no drivers, win 98, no zip drive, 12X CDRW drive.
My final solution was to port his zip drive to my comp to hope it could be automatically detected. Imagine how it scared the nerves off my aunt. While her son found it immensely interesting and she revolted when i explained to him how things are easily done.
But if i learnt all these hardware stuff from just watching chea hui assemble a PC once, i'd say, i could pretty much drive on my own. I m not slow in learning at all. I just need good quality practice time to adjust and fine tune my driving angles and control. And of course, practice gives better control and sense of speed. My senses are still not used to such speed. Not used to controlling things at that speed and the multi-tasking needed.
But if i have to abstain from driving, lose my license, go for the exams all over and waste a whole lotta money on the way, i will just to make my point. It is correct and my mom cant prove me wrong. At least not by removing my privileges to driving.
If i'd told her i drove her car secretly out when my parents were in Johor, i'd say she'd flare up and scolded me upside down. But i know how far my capabilities go. Its only, abt 300 meters away, i mean, what's the big deal. The ends justify all that happened along. No crash, no problem. Can someone, or some higher being, or just some wise old friend tell me, what's wrong in this world? What's wrong with me? Who is really wrong? What is the truth? How should i solve this according to the parameters and conditions i have set? Is there something really impossible? Is something impossible if u set the correct parameters and conditions? I mean, i know its impossible if u say u want pure water to maintain its solid form with a density of 1.0g/cc, at rtp, and if u want a person to walk at 10000000km/h on the north south highway towards Johor. It is impossible physically. Proven. But why do the sayings go against common sense? I understand not.
Why did God create beings that become Evil spirits and Satan if he was Good, Just, All Knowing and All Powerful? Every answer i heard has to concede that God has some weakness or limitation or is just unable to answer. It usually ends with, that, you have to ask God. But i beg to ask, but what if your assumptions are incorrect? Is it just church doctrine that runs the show and overrule common sense? Do u believe that God is here to save us? Then prove it. Starting from God's presence, in an empirical way. I mean, he is omnipotent and omnipresent, no? Then what is so difficult about it? Questions from a mind that has learnt to distrust, and to lie by habit.
This entry, has gone a bit off scope, but really, i just wanted to vent off some steam. And yes, i still cant find it in my small hole of a heart to forgive my parents. I was promised a chance to study in NZ. And in the end, my bro went. I never made it there, i never was allowed to transfer. I never was allowed to drive. Fuck this fucked up world. I shall be a demon if the world does not desire a normal human being to be himself and live a normal life. I've already been pushed off my tangent. Those who read, please, do not misunderstand me, and try to answer the questions i posed objectively, yeah? Jason, i still tell u honestly, if there was a creator God, he's either an ass or a biased ass, or a lazy ass, or just another ass. And u can quote me to any religious person. =P cheers.
And to get to Taman Sri Sentosa, my friends place, would mean going to PJ, then taking a bus from PJ? bullshit!! Now a drive, even with some traffic congestion, would really only take about 35mins to school. Travelling down to Asia Jaya LRT for a shuttle bus itself takes me more than 45mins upon leaving my front gate. And the crucial timing depends heavily on the shuttle bus and traffic where the shuttle bus passes by. When the bus is not always on time, it demands a long buffer time. And the buffer time is fairly unnecessary!!! It slows things down!! it causes inefficiency!! And the buses depart quarterly (sometimes they do not really do so) so what could i do? It's all rubbish!! No driving allowed. More than not being able to afford a car for me, i think the reasoning that I must, and MUST!! i mean, practice under the supervision of my mom, until she is satisfied with my driving, virtually means no driving this lifetime, and no chance of working in a job that demands "own transport required" at all. This is all just rubbish.
And having the argument with my mom (who thinks argument means fighting and squabbling) is practically a waste of time. It shows her stupidity, but yet, it shows that i have no chance of escaping this fate of being a hitchhiker for the rest of my life. I really feel like breaking down and crying. Why?! Why?! Why is God so unfair to me?! My brother is allowed to drive despite crashing the car and breaking one suspension on the right front of her car. But i dont see me being allowed to drive when i have a zero accident record. This is unfair. This is illogical. Not being able to practice (my definition demands solo practice as 'practice', supervised 'practice' means still learning to drive, and being constantly harassed and not allowed to self-adjust) means i can never driver better than my current state. I fucking hate my mom now!! I cant put any sense into her HEAD!!! I cant knock sense into her about her fucked up religion. I cant talk sense into her when she is convinced having 2 computers on at the same time so i can transfer info via CDRWs are a waste of power. I cant fucking knock sense into her about this driving thing, and I cant stand her asking the same questions all the time!!
"When are your exams?"
"Which exams?"
"final exams"
"2 more weeks."
"Then midterms?"
"I showed u all my papers!!!"
*look of disbelieve*
"U better pray for your dad's deal to come thru, it'll be a great breakthru if it does"
my sis: then we can have a better house to stay in and dun have to stay at that rented place.
me: i just wished i could drive to school
And the whole argument starts. I refused to re-new my license for a very simple reason. No compromise. I practice how to drive on my own. I can operate a car. I learnt how to turn a computer on, i learnt most of how to operate DOS and windows tweaking around on my own and copying my cousin Warren. I did NOT learn how to ride a bicycle with my mom sitting on it as well. I did NOT learn how to surf the net with my mom teaching me step by step. I did NOT learn how to fix gundam model sets with my mom or dad scrutinizing my every action to make sure i didnt get cut or pricked in the process. Somehow i get more distrust than i shud.
People think just because i am a bio student i can handle computers. My dad's younger sister, my aunt is just like that. My uncle who asked me for help turned sceptical as soon as i told him i needed to dismantle this and that or do this and that. And of course they didnt understand y, didnt bother asking y, but just thought, u shud be able to do it in a much simpler way. Or just like, *click* and all problems go away. yeah right. transfer a 50MB file from a zip disk, available hardware -> my cousin's comp, with zip drive, no driver CDs and running windows 95 (no built in cd burning), my comp, no drivers, win 98, no zip drive, 12X CDRW drive.
My final solution was to port his zip drive to my comp to hope it could be automatically detected. Imagine how it scared the nerves off my aunt. While her son found it immensely interesting and she revolted when i explained to him how things are easily done.
But if i learnt all these hardware stuff from just watching chea hui assemble a PC once, i'd say, i could pretty much drive on my own. I m not slow in learning at all. I just need good quality practice time to adjust and fine tune my driving angles and control. And of course, practice gives better control and sense of speed. My senses are still not used to such speed. Not used to controlling things at that speed and the multi-tasking needed.
But if i have to abstain from driving, lose my license, go for the exams all over and waste a whole lotta money on the way, i will just to make my point. It is correct and my mom cant prove me wrong. At least not by removing my privileges to driving.
If i'd told her i drove her car secretly out when my parents were in Johor, i'd say she'd flare up and scolded me upside down. But i know how far my capabilities go. Its only, abt 300 meters away, i mean, what's the big deal. The ends justify all that happened along. No crash, no problem. Can someone, or some higher being, or just some wise old friend tell me, what's wrong in this world? What's wrong with me? Who is really wrong? What is the truth? How should i solve this according to the parameters and conditions i have set? Is there something really impossible? Is something impossible if u set the correct parameters and conditions? I mean, i know its impossible if u say u want pure water to maintain its solid form with a density of 1.0g/cc, at rtp, and if u want a person to walk at 10000000km/h on the north south highway towards Johor. It is impossible physically. Proven. But why do the sayings go against common sense? I understand not.
Why did God create beings that become Evil spirits and Satan if he was Good, Just, All Knowing and All Powerful? Every answer i heard has to concede that God has some weakness or limitation or is just unable to answer. It usually ends with, that, you have to ask God. But i beg to ask, but what if your assumptions are incorrect? Is it just church doctrine that runs the show and overrule common sense? Do u believe that God is here to save us? Then prove it. Starting from God's presence, in an empirical way. I mean, he is omnipotent and omnipresent, no? Then what is so difficult about it? Questions from a mind that has learnt to distrust, and to lie by habit.
This entry, has gone a bit off scope, but really, i just wanted to vent off some steam. And yes, i still cant find it in my small hole of a heart to forgive my parents. I was promised a chance to study in NZ. And in the end, my bro went. I never made it there, i never was allowed to transfer. I never was allowed to drive. Fuck this fucked up world. I shall be a demon if the world does not desire a normal human being to be himself and live a normal life. I've already been pushed off my tangent. Those who read, please, do not misunderstand me, and try to answer the questions i posed objectively, yeah? Jason, i still tell u honestly, if there was a creator God, he's either an ass or a biased ass, or a lazy ass, or just another ass. And u can quote me to any religious person. =P cheers.
posted by Holy Order Sol at 02:39
1 comments
