Obsession

by See-Saw

deep in the night
far off the light
missing my headache

visions of light
sweeter delight
kissin' my loveache

how come I must know
where obsession needs to go?
how come I must know
where the passion hides its feelings?

how come I must know
where obsession needs to go?
how come I must know
the direction of relieving?

After catching FF7 Advent Children a couple of weeks ago, i m kinda obsessed with Tifa. Not so much Yuffie, but Tifa. And now i'd seen the DVD version of it on a decent TV at a friend's place, my infatuation or obsession has grown. All of it for a person i know is pure art and fiction, a creation of high technology and good imagination.

Maybe i am weird, even for an anime fanboy aka otaku, but seriously, FF7 Advent Children gave me a glimpse of the dream woman i'd really want. Seriously. The looks, the personality, that smile, and the strength... now that's a real lady. Blame Square for making such a perfect lady, and she's not even an actress or living celebrity.

This brought to mind a chapter in ARMS, of the experiment on NEXT. People who have supposedly died, with their memories digitized, but their emotions relying on stored and programmed responses within their digital brains' databases. Primitive in terms of science fiction, but realistic for an era not far away from ours. And sometimes i just wish i could be like those in the matrix, to live a dream, with her, and never wake up.

Thinking back, i've never really been involved in a deeply romantic relationship with any lady. I keep pondering on the issue, and one cause should be my on fault, unable to commit, unable to care more for others. Maybe its like what they say: one who cannot love others, has no right to be loved. I am perhaps, just that type of person, full of myself, selfish to the limit, childish to the breaking point of life.

Oh well, hunger pangs are starting to move in. Gotta catch some sleep. And continue with my obsessive dreams of Tifa Lockheart. Tifa-chan, your selfish admirer comes... =P

Shocking Experiences!!

Unlike in most anime, where u can get shocked till ur skeleton shows like an X-Ray, we die when we get shocked badly, and u turn to ash due to the heat generated from impedance, or resistance of a human body. Fortunately, a computer's power supply puts out only abt 12 Volts to the mother board, and even less to other components. 5 Volts to the Harddisks and other Drives, 3.3 Volts to a Floppy drive, or something like that.

When i moved into my new house, after setting up the old computer, i set up my own computer on the spanking new table i got (ok, its not spanking new, i had it since i was 9 or 10, but still, i havnt had it for my computer since then) and turned it on... smilez~ The next thing i tried to do was insert a DVD into the drive, and i got a nasty jerk at the elbow when i touched the casing... darn!! a real Shock!! So i tried touching the case again, thinking it was just static... Wrong move!! A whole series of shocks followed, with my fingers forced against the case, my hand trembled. The slight tinge of pain pushing my hand away in the end. My right hand.

And after a while, i think it got worse... I could somehow feel vibrations in the ground, that feels like electrons running free and vibrating... Damn, i might be paranoid or oversensitive, but either one is bad enough!!

And consulting a friend, his dad (an architect) said it might be an unearthed socket, but it seemed, all other sockets and computers had no problems at all. My dad asked our electrician, a really tall man of 40+, he said it might be the extension cables and 3-way plugs. After changing the cables and plugs, i tried touching the case, to feel the familiar shocks... coursing up and stopping at where my elbow is... seems like a bit of shock therapy never killed anyone~

Been reading lotsa fantasy... and my English class assignment... a 400 word Imaginative Essay... i was asking for at least a thousand words... and no, the idiot of a teacher would not oblige... reason being - too many china ppl in the class who can just barely make 400 words (even with rampant and blatant plagiarism), how pathetic...

Took a liking to this song by Weiss, Instant Karma:


Ame no michi ni utsuru kage
Sore wa ai no jubaku toita ore
Dakaretai to sugaru hito ni sae
Kotoba hitotsu kakete agerarezu

A shadow emerges from the rainy road.
That shadow is me, free from my curse of love.
Even to people who beg for my embrace,
I say not even one word of encouragement.

Tsumi wa sotto kiete shimau
Uso no you ni kiete shimau
Nikushimi wa kiete shimau
Uso no you ni kiete shimau

My sins softly disappear.
Unbelievably, they disappear.
My hate disappears.
Unbelievably, it disappears.

Senaka koshi ni tsubuyaita
Sore wa kako o azake warau ore
Ima mo mune ni nokoru kizu nante
Okashisugiru dare mo damasenai

As I pass by, a murmur is heard.
That is me, scornfully laughing at my past.
I try to say there is no pain left in my soul.
But strangely enough, I can’t fool anyone.

Batsu wa kitto narete shimau
Ai no you ni narete shimau
Nikushimi wa narete shimau
Kisu no you ni narete shimau

Surely, I will grow accustomed to punishment.
Just as I did with love.
I will grow accustomed to hate.
Just as I did with a kiss.

Tsumi wa sotto kiete shimau
Uso no you ni kiete shimau
Nikushimi wa kiete shimau
Uso no you ni kiete shimau
Nikushimi wa narete shimau
Kisu no you ni narete shimau

My sins softly disappear.
Unbelievably, they disappear.
My hate disappears.
Unbelievably, it disappears.
I will grow accustomed to hate.
Just as I did with a kiss.